Is it love?

In all my years of being on earth, I haven’t felt like this before and I’m frightened. I just can’t believe how my feelings for someone can get me to the point of making my heart jump. Let’s start from the beginning shall we.

His name for the sake of this post is “J”, he and I went to high school and he had the biggest crush on me and it was so cute, actually he was the first boy to give me a Valentines gift. I know cute!!!

Anyway I was a little bit older than him, two years to be exact but he was just so cute. I had a moment with him and honestly when I think about today I made a mistake. That was almost eight years ago, time has passed and people have changed , he struck out for my rules and regulations for dating. Younger, from my hometown and a frat boy he’s got the world against him.

I forgot to tell you guys that he’s related to family member of mine, through his dad. Remember the wedding? Well that’s where I saw “J”again, he looked good but he was in a relationship and I didn’t want to be rude .

Did I forget to tell you that “J’s” mother is a regular customer at the store I work at? I know! It gets weirder and weirder I didn’t even know that was her son until I came back from the wedding and she brought up my cousins’ name.  Oh I know your son 😉.

Fast forward to one year later and “J” is back home and he tells me that’s here to stay until he finds a better job. The more he comes around, the more my stomach turns into knots, my heart gets this weird feeling and I start to pay more attention to my appearance. I want to tell him my feelings but I don’t want to mess it up plus I’m not where I want to be. I didn’t graduate with my bachelors, he did and I lied, I do have an Associates which means I’m still college educated , I don’t have a car and I’m broke as hell. I’m just a little bit embarrassed and I don’t want to get rejected.

Story of my life. So tell me about your first crush?

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